|
Make enforceable
statements
“My car is leaving
for the mall at 5pm. I sure hope you’ll be going with us,”
is infinitely more effective than “Why aren’t you dressed?!
If you’re not ready on time, you’re going to make me
late again!” Telling a child (or anyone) what they’re
going to do, never brings good results.
Ask Questions
Questions are an amazing
“defuser” of conflict. “Do you think you’ll
have your room ready for Santa in 10 minutes or 15?” give
a child nothing to contest. “Did you know why I usually
wear a hat when I go outside?” beats “You’ll catch
your death of cold if you go out without a hat in this weather!”
Use empathy
It opens the heart and
mind to understanding. If dialogue begins with a child’s
feeling understood, harmony stands a chance. “Wow, I’ll
bet you really would like to have that I-pod that all your friends
are getting. I sure wish we could afford it,” is much more
effective than, “Do you think I’m made of money?!”
Avoid arguments
Don’t take the bait.
You have the ability to control the situation if you take the
time to think. Saying, “We’ll talk later...after I’ve
thought about this” is more effective than yelling, “That’s
it! You’re grounded until the New Year!”
Be firm,
consistent, loving
When it feels like a line
needs to be drawn in the sand, simply and calmly state your point,
then answer all challenges with, “I love you too much to
argue.” For variety there’s the ever popular, “I
know” (delivered with drama and empathy). This old favorite
squelches that perennial triad: It’s not fair. That’s
stupid. Nobody else has to. |
Cultivate
respect
Have it for yourself. “I’d
love to help you with that problem now, but I need a few minutes
to finish what I’m doing here first.” Have it for your
children. “I understand how it feels to be rushed all the
time. How can we plan ahead for this event?”
“Stop, look, and listen”
is not just for safety’s sake when crossing the train tracks.
Let it be your new mantra for the holidays.
· STOP running around
(or at least slow down). Without our even being aware of it,
the world can entice us to participate in a frantic race right
through this precious season.
· LOOK — really
look — at those around you. They love and need you (that
kinder, gentler “you”). See the impact your behavior
is having on them — either for better or worse.
· LISTEN to what
they’re saying. Even if the words are unspoken, they may
be asking for reassurance that you love them just as they are,
no matter who they're hanging out with, what they’re wearing
or listening to, when (if) they’re cleaning their room or
coming home at night.
So if you don’t want
to have the feeling that you’ve been hit by a locomotive
this holiday season, apply these simple rules, get back on track,
and give the gift that really does keep on giving...the gift
of joy!
 |
